Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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