Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
