All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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