weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
