So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
