oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
