did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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