My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
