I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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