she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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