KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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