still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
