just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
