In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
