i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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