and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
