Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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