Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
