I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am naked and annoyed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
