i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
