I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
