My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
