Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm at about main and main street
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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