You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
