And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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