I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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