I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The convent might be a nice break from real life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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