Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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