I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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