i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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