I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize