is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
