I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
