please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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