im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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