I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
