just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
