Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize