I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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