its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
