It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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