He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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