Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
