Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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