Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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