no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
