i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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