Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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