I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
