I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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