call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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