I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
