I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
