I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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