i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
