When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
