i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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