Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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